Political & Elections

He might still be looking for the one, as you are.  

Until you stop dating others, why should he stop looking?  

Dating is dating until there is a signficant commitment.  Sometimes that happens quickly, sometimes not.  Sometimes there isn't a conversation that you are exclusive until you both realize that it's more serious than you once thought.

Plus no offense, but guys aren't over analyzing gifts, who paid for what, etc - if they like a woman than they usually want to spend time with them.  If I assumed that the man who I married didn't like me because he didn't reciprocate gifts, well, I would have been wrong.  He only brought them for signficiant events when we first dated, not just because.  Men usually aren't wired for that the way woman think they should be.  

I do agree that if he is older he may be put off by matching him in paying for events and dining out.  That's an old school approach and some men - especially older ones - do like to feel more  in control that way.  

Why would you bring a gift that might have to be returned if the date didn't work out.  That's kind of strange.  I am referring to your "horticultural" product.  I am assuming weed.  Perhaps I am off the mark.  

He may also be put off by the fact that you brought it and then left it, implying there might be more dates... unless he has said that he is interested in using pot at some point in your dates and that's why you brought it in the first place. 

You can run a guy up a tree where they stay *never to come down* if they feel like you are moving in to their turf too soon.  

I don't think Mr B not giving you gifts means a thing.  A lot of men are just not "gifty."

And, not to belabor the jdate thing, but he might be signing on to see if you've signed on.....the same way you do with him.  Probably not, though, I admit.

Weird about the smell of the weed.  I, like Mr B, have past experience with it and there was never an issue with the smell.  Must be a real local zowie mutant of some type, lol.

I strongly doubt Mr B has short term memory issues.  He is relatively young, has a high powered job, etc, etc. 

-- Edited by NJTheatreMom on Wednesday 29th of February 2012 03:19:20 PM

may be, he likes the slightly weaker gender rather than a physical and mental equal? which is exactly what xannymom is suggesting. xpost.

As for DS stalking. Last week there was news about retailers tracking your movements in the store; DS is working with one of those retailers on their mobile apps. Their tech people were also visiting. 

-- Edited by longprime on Wednesday 29th of February 2012 10:33:30 AM

You wrote he was only testing after your weekend and you realized it was his way of letting it fade. But then YOU asked him to go out Thursday evening, which he then cancelled. You are electing to "miss" clear signs of waning interest. Stop being so dramatic. You say "I'm taken" while ignoring the reality....very middle school

Listen to his actions/behavior not his words

Well your son said he didn't trust Mr B. You're explaining its due to his being a businessman, which he associates with players... however you yourself worried about that after your weekend with him when he backed away bigtimre. Seems you sought reconnecting with him...after which he has again let you know he's busy every weekend til May. While it may be true, I think Mr B is doing more on Irate than simply reading your old messages. Seriously? I'm with your son. I think he's not that into you..time will tell. Early on in divorce people often return to a kind of a 2nd adolescence...with dating, sex etc. Hearing you jump into things that don't sound like who you are is a sign of that. Just be careful...protect your heart and your kids.

Oh I see...just that you mentioned he didn't approve of the married guy...a guy you were only having sex with and only at conferences so how would he "know" that unless you told him. Also based on hids comment in his pm he doesn't approve of Mr B either...just saying

I find it a little creepy that you talk about your romantic and sex life with your son. Sorry no disrespect intended but that's really off to me.

Why would you want to get in touch with Darth Vader a.k.a. the depressed widower?

Sorry BG, 

A 3000 mile distant relationship will never work. 

I eat meat and shellfish. Even got a specialized hunting shovel for that elusive clam. I also got that physical aliment that Mr B doesn't have. If the choice is between me or Mr. B--go to Mr B. Knock yourself out. 

As for the CMU applicants. I just want to give-up on them. Smart kids but they somehow just cannot grasp simple game theory when it comes to ED vs RD financial aid. Gosh, CMU even tells them to apply for RD if they have financial considerations. 

Brrrr...take good care of yourself.  Hope you feel better soon.

Mr B got you sick (oops, I hope it's not too bad), so maybe you at least kissed on Sunday......not that you would be inclined to kiss and tell or anything.

is xanny a moderator spy?

 

My son attempted last week to post the link to this site here and was admonished by mod with a "warning"... He posted it under "say it here get it off your chest"...he was caught.

Funny

 

xanny- scroll down the Mr. B explanation is below.

 

He got me sick - I have a sore throat and stuffies this morning .

-- Edited by BadGirl on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 07:39:02 AM

Nice to see you had another date with Mr B...how did that come to be?

Lots to digest there - -thanks for your inputs!

  I got a text at 3 pm - saying good morning- he was home sick! Funny- . 

Yes we talk LOTs of shop-- his shop- he gets free consulting out of me! I bill at $120 an hour- he's doing just fine bouncing strategic, financial and HR issues off me for free (he said he'd like to hire me  and I said absolutely not- inappropriate given our intimate relationship)!   We actually enjoy talking shop quite a bit.

 

Your dance analogy is right on target.

He needs to fix his other shoulder-- but has a treadmill, bike and boflex --an entire exercise room of equipment that same quality as in my health club.   I'm hopeful with good weather I'll get him out walking and eventually running with me.  His eating habits don't match mine- this has potential to become an incompatability- he's sensitive- he's picked up I'm  a vegetarian -/vegan - but missing and not understanding the gluten free thing. I have to reinforce that and its importance. I am most happy with a bowl of greens and tofu- to him I might as well be from Mars when it comes to food- I consume 1000/1200 calories a day and eating out is no big deal to me -- I prefer cooking in- he prefers upscale restaurants. Doesn't mean  much to me when most of what is on the menu isn't something I'd eat.

 

I dont' really want to go on the date I have on Saturday- but I do want to go to what we've planned-- the guy was quite presumptious- asked to plan a second date already- I dont' think so!

 

 

Now that I think of it- he semi objected when we were in my town for the pricey dinner- and I offered to pick up the check-- he insisted on at least paying his part.  So I just put $60 cash on the table. 

Still waiting to get a lunchtime hello email today- that would be nice.

 

 

 

Maybe he's re-reading our old notes on jdate...?He mentioned something indirectly to this point today when we woke up from the catnap...something we had written about 'Romance' --

Yes the thought crosses my mind- he is old-- 62 can fall apart by 70-- and I'd only be 58 at that point (yes, I know I could fall apart too-- but I am a vegan and work out everyday - sometimes twice a day).  He isn't active right now- a bit disconcerting - I hope I'm eventually a good influence here.   He bowls okay - didn't fall apart- but I didn't need a handicapp - right behind him..we each increased score by 50% second game- back in range of respectable scores.  I've never bowled in dressy clothing, jewerly and bowling shoes-- on a Sunday afternoon.
Bowling costs much more than I anticipated- I paid - $ 27 for two games and shoes? That was a huge surprise.  He paid for brunch-- I don't know if he's actually insulted or not?  He's very old fashioned - holds the door, opens the car door, walks behind me...I don't want him to presume I expect him to pay - so I typically have piped up my cash each time- not even a charge card.  Maybe I should  ask? I don't know - hard to know.

 

Thoughts on paying for dates with Mr. B.???   Continue to pull out cash- or let him always pay??

Once gas hits $5 a gallon - this conversation ought to be approached-- I use 6 gallons for a roundtrip on gas to his house- 83 miles one way- thankfully i get over 30 on the highway.

 

 

I would stop answering jdate inquiries when there's a clear point that Mr B and I (or someone else)  are falling into a place where any time we both have for a relationship outside of all we both do professioally and personally is allocated to just us and not to looking for other dates.  I don't have any desire to be intimate with anyone else at this point- and I could actually wait weeks until Mr. B and I reached that point again. It's a weird feeling.

I'm not sure what I told Mr. B-- i actually don't want to have that conversation -- it's premature. We had a few words at lunch about how neither of us was ruling out future marriage (with people in general)- but that both were taking partners one step at a time. We wrote and talked about this lots for the 4 weeks we had emailed, phoned and had our first two weekends of dates-- I think we are on the same page about romance and relationships i general and happy to be rebuilding with a more tradition courtship.  I think it premature to ask "hey - are you seeing other people" - the reality is - I doubt he is sleeping with other people.  I know his calendar- and I would venture to say that he and I know more about one another and our kids lives at the current time than anyone else knows about each of us knows.  We talk shop, we talk family and we talk about health issues, nothing seems off the table except we don't talk about our respective finances -- other than the messiness which is divorce.
I read his eyes today twice--  I would be stunned if he scheduled a date with anyone at this time. But I'm a realist-- it could happen.

 

Timeline on commitment- oh dear-  I guess if we are dating without sex- no commitment. If and when  we become intimate again (and we both choose to rule that out today),  I'd raise the issue of commitment and monogomy at that point. I couldn't sleep with someone sleeping with other people- just couldn't. 

had I not thought Mr. B was toast- I would have never have slept with the guy last week - I really thought Mr. B and I were through...so obviously I have misfunctioning emotional radar-- sadly.

-- Edited by BadGirl on Sunday 26th of February 2012 08:49:46 PM

Good Luck. 

Spring is very near. 

Daffys are near bloom. A few daffys that reside in sunny locations are in blooming.

Here's your chance to wifey Mr. B. 

Prepare your best chicken soup for him to take back. 

BCE

browsing other topics on this site, "Keystone" and did a little research. Transcanadian (TRP, nye) is an BIG company. Your gas mainline in NH, and my gas mainline in OR is controlled by TRP. 3.9% dividends. 

-- Edited by MadHatter on Thursday 1st of March 2012 08:42:33 PM

 

Good for you, re this weekend.  The online dating business can have a frenetic momentum, and be confusing.  I think you’re doing exactly the right thing. 

I wonder if some of these men are juggling various options the same way you are, unbeknownst to you!

Hope Sunday goes great!

It's heartening to know that there are this many great-sounding guys out there looking for somebody like you.

If things stay as they are now with Mr B, would you cancel your planned March tryst with the conference guy?

-- Edited by MadHatter on Friday 2nd of March 2012 08:57:51 PM